This past week, I've had several odd dreams. They tend to occur in the time between Hyrum's night feeding and my morning alarm, and they are both strange and disturbing. For example, earlier this week, I dreamed I was feeding 3-month-old Hyrum, and I was with my mom. All of a sudden, I remembered that Hyrum was not my baby after all. He was an in vitro baby. I was only the surrogate for . . . my parents. Yes, instead of my son, Hyrum was my brother. I was quite upset about losing him back to my parents. He is a sweet, sweet boy, and I've already put quite a bit of work into him. In my dream, I was also very upset that John and I had used the one boy name on which we agree on a child that wasn't ours. Odd.
Then, last night, I dreamed that John and I weren't married. We still had Evelyn, and I was very pregnant with Hyrum. One day, we went into labor and delivery because I thought I might be in labor, but I wasn't, so they sent us home. Shortly thereafter, John told me that he didn't think we would ever really get married because he didn't think we had a future together and he was planning on moving out. Even in my nightmares, John is too devoted to the institution of marriage to ever divorce me, although I've had dreams before where it turns out we never were married and he decides that he doesn't want to get married after years together. Again, I was devastated, this time both for myself and for my kids. The thought of Evelyn growing up as a second-class citizen to the children of whoever he ended up marrying for real later on was particularly sad.
Both times, I woke up pretty grateful to see these guys safe and sound where they belong. With me.
And for the record, Mom, under no circumstances will I agree to give you Hyrum. Just so you know.
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