The dating game

When John and I got married, I was thrilled to be permanently finished with the dating game. Without detailing enough of my dating history (or lack thereof) to embarrass myself any further than necessary, let's just say I was never much in demand. By the time I graduated college (at 21), my mom was convinced I would never get married. I'm still a little shocked that I did, sometimes, since dating leads to marriage and I was pretty much an utter failure at dating until John.

Those first few years of newlywed* dating were bliss; I congratulated myself sometimes on snagging such a great date - for good.

What I didn't know then was that the dating game would reappear, full force, once we had children. This time, the tables have turned, and I'm the one doing the asking (and the paying).

For some reason, I often have trouble finding babysitters. Between seminary and school, the teenagers in our ward are pretty much booked for weeknight dates. On Friday night, the unofficial date night of Mormons everywhere, they have youth group. Saturday is the best night for finding sitters, but John has 5:30 meetings the next morning most weeks. It's complicated.

Last Saturday, we went to the temple with a few friends. I asked 7 people if they could babysit before finally getting a yes. Luckily, the yes was a great teenager I've been meaning to initiate into the kids' bedtime routine for awhile, so the fact that he appeared so deep in the pool was more indicative of my laziness in not wanting to explain everything again, less indicative of how competent he is as a sitter.

Dating once you have kids is also expensive. For example, we can pay $70+ to see a movie in the theater, or we can wait four months, then pay $5 to see it on pay-per-view. In theory, the fact that we're paying for a sitter should make us go on somewhat less expensive dates to compensate. In practice, it doesn't seem worth paying for the sitter unless we're doing something substantial, which usually means something that costs more money. Going to the temple is probably the exception that proves the rule, although temple dates tend to begin or end with dinner for the same reason. It's sad to pay $40+ for a sitter and not even get a meal out of it. Why not pay $70 and at least go to dinner, right?

This second-round dating angst has made me realize something. When I was in high school, I always had a satisfying list of customers eager to have me over on date night. So, as it turns out, I wasn't as much of a dating failure as I thought during my college years. Apparently, I just peaked early.

This time around, I am getting a lot more practice than I did last time, so I have high hopes of my skills improving. For example, when I realized last Thursday we needed a babysitter for that Sunday as well, I only had to ask twice before striking gold.

By the far the best part of this stage of the dating game, however, is not being in it alone. For Christmas, John gave me the best present I never could have asked for. He planned 11 dates for 2011, about one a month for the next year, and he arranged all the babysitting in advance.

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*Personally, I consider any pre-Evelyn time as part of the newlywed phase.