Thankimony

I have hestitated a little in sharing what I am about to write. I like to keep this blog relatively emotion free. Sarcasm doesn't count as an emotion, right? But I feel that my numerous quips and, let's call a spade a spade, outright complaints over the past several months unquestionably add up to ingratitude without corresponding acknowledgement of the many, many ways in which our family has been blessed during this time.

All joking aside, despite the significant disadvantages of the neighborhood, our living situation on 164th street was nothing short of a miracle. For eight months, we enjoyed the dual advantages (almost never found together) of very cheap rent and extremely flexible terms, due mostly to previous tenants who went completely out of their way to make this work out for us with no discernable benefit to themselves. John and I have marveled many times, saying that we never would have gone to so much trouble for subtenants were we in their shoes.

We were devastated when things didn't work out with an apartment we had been waiting 3 months to buy in late January. However, we quickly rediscovered the apartment we did end up buying, and at an asking price almost 10% lower than the ask had been when we first saw it. The seller had lowered the price substantially less than 2 weeks before our other deal fell through, and we had an accepted offer within 72 hours of finding out our other deal was not going to close. The timing preserved resources by allowing us to have lower living expenses for the maximum amount of pre-baby time.

I feel strongly that the "reason" it took us so long to sell our place in the falling market was partially because that was how long it took us to discover east midtown as a housing option. The extra 15+ minutes each way of commuting time John saves every day translate into tangible benefits for our family. Last week, for example, he came home for lunch one day. With a 10 minute commute, he can do that. If it were 25+ minutes each way, he wouldn't be able to just pop over. Selling in a falling market also means buying in a falling market. We couldn't have afforded the place we bought had we tried to buy it around the time we first tried to sell ours.

The past six weeks have been rough, it's true. My contractors saved my life during this time, maybe literally. They were consistently kind and easy to work with, going far, far above and beyond the bounds of reasonableness to satisfy the most difficult co-op board and managing agent any of us had ever encountered. Neither of them walked away from the job due to the difficulties in getting work approved, which lesser men would have done (and one guy did do).

Our bank account is a minor modern miracle of the loaves and fishes. Our costs have definitely increased over our projections, but unless my math is way off, our ending account balances once this is all said and don't won't be much lower than what we had expected. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it hasn't happened yet.

Our health insurance premiums went way up this year under John's new employer, and we had to satisfy a relatively significant deductible before benefits kicked in, but once they did kick in, everything was covered 100 percent. With three hospitalizations in the first six months of the year alone, knowing we maxed out our patient payment responsibilities at the beginning of March has been a huge blessing.

I was very against having Hyrum early, and in fact, I think the only reason I had him when I did was because I got dehydrated (long story). However, the timing of the move and everything else that happened in June worked out much better with an early arrival. This is due mostly to the fact that my mom came out for an extra week. I have no doubt we could not have survived that time without her, especially since her being around to help Hyrum and me while I was in the hospital ennabled John to still move us. I don't even know how I would have gotten to the ER myself, bleeding like I was, without her and her car. And if Hyrum had been on time, instead of being at home with my mom and John plus lots of friends who took Evelyn no questions asked at the last minute, I could well have been on a plane with a toddler and a newborn when everything got scary. Now that would have been a real emergency. But it didn't happen that way.

God has brought a particular scripture into my mind numerous times over the past few weeks; I finally found it at 3 a.m. one night: 1 Corinthians 10:13, "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."

I hadn't found the scripture initially because I was thinking of it more in terms of surviving tribulation than of overcoming temptation, but really, tribulation is a temptation: It is a temptation to think God has abandoned me, that he has left me alone to solve my problems as best I can. This is never true. He does not work that way. If we look harder, we will find the escape. It may be a back door out; it may be a force rescuing us out the front way. It may be increased capacity within ourselves to withstand what is asked of us. But always, always there will be a way.

This scripture led me to others on the same topic, and the night I found it, I stayed up an hour past when Hyrum went back to sleep, soaking in the goodness of a Father who loves me.

"The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. . . . Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all. The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, and his ears are open unto their cry." (Psalms 34:17, 19, 15)

Verily, thus saith the Lord unto you whom I love, and whom I love I also chasten that their sins may be forgiven, for with the chastisement I prepare a way for their deliverance in all things out of temptation, and I have loved you. (D&C 95:1)

And after their temptations, and much tribulation, behold, I, the Lord, will feel after them, and if they harden not their hearts, and stiffen not their necks against me, they shall be converted, and I will heal them. (D&C 112:13)

For after much tribulation, as I have said unto you in a former commandment, cometh the blessing. (D&C 103:12)

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. (John 16:33) I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. (John 14:18)

I spent months up in Washington Heights feeling a little abandoned by God and a little peeved at everyone who blithely assured me that things would "work out for the best." Come on people. There are starving children in  Africa. Things don't always work out for the best. I had prayed for peace for months, to have peace even if I couldn't have a resolution to my situation, and I didn't even get the peace until May 6, the day after we closed.

But things have changed. I have seen so clearly over the past six weeks, not just in hindsight but in real time, as events unfolded, how the Lord has prepared an escape for me that I might be able to bear it. He has truly delivered me during this time by providing the resources I needed, when I needed them, whether or not I asked for them. Not always extra, but always enough, always sufficient for my troubles. It has been a sweet experience in the tender mercies of God despite my imperfections.